Do You Suffer From "Nice Guy" Syndrome? Part 2

Written by Joseph Matthews

Wednesday, 25 March 2009 06:18

(this is a continuation of part 1 of this article)

There are people who "can't stand conflict" or believe that if you "can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all", or live by some similar slogan. They live in an ideal world. It's just not this one.

I'm sure on that planet, they get all the moral support they need from anyone.

But that's the crux of the issue right there. All you "Nice Guys" have a losing mentality about your need for support. Your methodology is: "I am so loving and giving and nice, I expect you to treat me the exact same way as I treat you!"

Here is the typical thought process of Nice Guys:

--"Don't disagree with me! It's not fair because I do so much for you!!!"

--"Please be sympathetic and comfort me when I'm upset! I'm needy and can't comfort myself."

--"Always be in a good mood. I am always trying to make you happy and if I can't, I feel ashamed and mad at you!"

--"Pay attention to me when I need it! I've earned it after all I've done for you!!!!"

--"Take care of me!!! Do the things I can't do for myself due to fear! I do them for you, so please return the favor!!"

Look at those thoughts above, and ask yourself "If someone was saying that to me, how would I react?" Now you know where women are coming from when they don't want to have relationships with "Nice Guys."

Once that happens and the needy demands of "Nice Guys" go unmet, they fall into the deep pits of self-pity and depression. They also feel a lot of shame and anger at their failure to please the women they want, and though these "Nice Guys" can keep their pleasant demeanor up for a long time, their resentment of the women they want to please will grow and grow until it explodes in anger and rage, either directed at others, themselves, or both.

This kind of mentality can extremely damage your self respect and cause others to not want to be around you.

So what's a "Nice Guy" to do?

If you want to have success with women, you need to stop being agreeable and instead be straightforward and honest, especially when you have to go against the wishes of others and disappoint them. You can do this with kindness and sensitivity, but you MUST do this nonetheless.

Only by being honest, with yourself and with others, will you be able to overcome the selfish "nice guy" habits you have adopted in your life.

And when you do this, you will stop caring about what other people think of you because the source of your validation comes from the fact that you're being true to yourself and straightforward with others, and you will cease to harbor resentment and anger, and have more self respect and less depression.

It's the only way that I have found to make the transition from "Nice Guy" to someone that demands respect from others.

It can be hard being honest with others (especially yourself), but in the end it is far more rewarding than any other behavior you can adopt.

About the Author:

Gain more of Joseph Matthew's superb advice on how to meet women by visiting his homepage and signing up for his complimentary meet women newsletter.

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